Light in the Darkness

 Some days are ok. And then the darkness of the night feels overwhelming. The sadness, the anxiety can feel so suffocating. It feels so long. It’s like a wave came up out of nowhere and totally blindsided me, and I feel like I’m rolling around in a wave, trying to get my footing again. Trying to come up for air. 

A few weeks ago, we had the joy of meeting a beautiful family. They were instant family. You see they have a daughter, Gianna, who is in Heaven too. And they started an organization in her memory: Gia’s Hope. Peter and I’s daughter went to Heaven near the end of last year. Her name: Gianna Hope. None of us knew each other or even of each other until recently. It was totally a God thing. And that was just the beginning of a beautiful connection. 

We had SO MANY heart to hearts in the week they came to serve with us. The whole family just spoke so many words of wisdom from their walk with grief. They weren’t scared to come alongside us and sit with us in the pain, grief, tears. They would start talking about how they had felt when they lost their Gia and it’s literally words that Peter and I have only said to each other. Thoughts and feelings that we never shared to anyone else, and yet, this family was saying the exact same things that we felt.  I honestly wish I could have recorded the whole week to just play on repeat the conversations and little nuggets of truth and wisdom that they shared. 

Johanna shared how in Psalms 23, it says about us walking through the valley. That really hit me. Because right now, I feel stuck. I feel like I’m going to be feeling like this forever. But instead, it’s a promise that God is walking us THROUGH the valleys. There is another side. We will get to the other side of the valley. And meanwhile, in the pain and in the valley, He is teaching, comforting, preparing me for what is to come, to help others going through something similar, and even allowing this time in my life to bring to life a new calling. 

Johanna also shared about how if there was no darkness, we would never see the stars. There is light in the darkness. Some nights feel overcast, can’t see the light, feels like there’s no hope, that all that is there is darkness. But the stars are still there. We just can’t see them. Even when we can’t see the light, Jesus is still there. He’s closer than ever. He sits with us in the pain and in the pit. He uses every tear, every part of our story. He doesn’t waste any part of our story. This season is a chapter in our story. It’s not the end. Our story doesn’t end here. New life comes from the tears, from the cries out to God, from the breaking, refining, and mending of our hearts, minds, and souls, from the moments we are at our lowest. God scoops up the ashes and turns it into something more beautiful than we can imagine. It takes time. It’s not linear. Grief is MESSY. It’s in the process that He teaches us and speaks to us in the most intimate ways. We can’t rush the process, nor can we skip it. We have to walk through the valleys. 

I have always loved sunsets. We had the honor to cross into El Salvador for a short time with the same family to continue talking and processing grief. That night, there was the most beautiful, stunning sunset on the beach. It was like it was a little hug from our Giannas. The most vibrant colors on display just before the darkness of the night sets in, surrounded by the crashing waves. It was such a beautiful moment for all of us. Grief can look like this: moments of light, feeling like you can catch your breath, before the darkness of the night sets in. But then, the sun rises in the morning, pushing out the darkness of the night. Sometimes the darkness lasts longer than just the night, the waves are rougher, one right after the other. Other times, the light starts to peek through, the waves calm, and you can just ride them out. No matter what part of the grief journey you’re on, know that Jesus is right there beside you, holding you close. Listen for His voice. He won’t let you drown. He won’t let you stay in the valley forever. This is not the end. This is the beginning of something new blooming in your life.

*Our amazing friend, Johanna wrote a children's book about grief that is for the whole family. She has done an incredible job at navigating this and writing it in a way that it's healing for any age. Please go check it out! Proceeds go towards their organization: www.giashope.org

So hop on over to the website, check out what they are all about, and order the book!